rasa mcm useless.
whenever i got frustrated, i got angry easily. like today. im such a bitch. nak marah2 orang mak ayah adik. i didnt really marah depan2. thats not our family punya style. mampus kena cili dgn mak kalau berani sound2.
i just sit in the corner and mourn like a coward.
there is a lot of things i want to do in life and i couldnt figure out where to start or even worst how to start. nak kata tak cukup push, memang la nobody can push my fat body, tapinya i shud be pushing my damned ass sendiri la kan.
hari ni makan banyak macam tong dram. bongoks. sate makan nasi makan apa yang kau tak makan ha budak gemok??
ok. so negative. mesti kawan2 aku kalau baca blog ni start bash aku sebab tulis this kind of words. they will definitely try to lift up my spirit and yada yada yada not to write like this, i should this i should that, must do this must do that.
maybe im hormonal. thats another reason, so unfair to pin it on the cycle but, oh well. i choose to drown myself in it.
on other note, someone pissed me couple of months ago. talked in front of group of friends regarding my issue which is not that person's right. feels like that person was trying to sabotage me ke, malukan gua ke, gua tatau la.
i almost slap that person. aku punya tangan gigil2 tahan marah. after that event, both of us balik, i sent and email and of course the reply would be yadayadayada with apologizing stuff. and i ignored it.
yesterday the person sent email again. i cant decide whether i want to/can forgive that person.
marah berbaki rasa nak maki je lagi. yang jadi tu bukan kali pertama. i trusted that person and to me rasa di khianati.
so gua tak reply apa2. masih dalam mode mendiamkan diri. tapi sebenarnya sepanjang tak tegur tak apa gua takde efek pun. dia ada dia takda mcm takde efek. sbb marah or sebab dia tak penting, gua tak dpt decide.
ok calo dulu bai.
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